Wisdom for Wives

"Be diligent to know the state of your flocks …"

Worth More Than Money

on August 3, 2013

Judge Judy

When one spouse bears all of the financial concern alone, money can be a source of great marital strain.  I learned this firsthand during the first few years of my own marriage.  These days, my husband and I discuss the bills on a regular basis, and he’s expressed more than once how grateful he is for this change. But ever since I began to understand how important it is for spouses to be partners in money, I’ve had it on my heart to encourage other wives to become more involved in their families’ finances.  Not only would I like to share why it is important to understand financial issues, I plan to give some practical suggestions for how to go about that.  Taking those steps will probably lead to some conversations with your husband about money, so before I get to the helpful hints, now is probably a good time to address that most famous of demands:  Respect.

~~However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, NIV)~~

My husband and I are probably like most couples in that we do not always agree on how much money to spend.  For example, he is usually more willing than I am to make a bigger investment in quality up front, which has sometimes saved us money on repairs or replacement later.  But some of those purchases were initially met by snark, a stinky face, or seething silence.  None of these responses is particularly helpful, or respectful.

One of the blessings of being informed about our financial situation is that I can offer input, support, and encouragement on money issues.  We can make decisions together.  But I know that it’s not just what I say; it’s how I say it.  My husband deserves my respect–not judgment, criticism, or stinky face–even when we do not agree.   Instead, I should “speak the truth in love,” and pray for us to be wise and united in our financial decisions.

Besides, nagging and scowling just don’t work, at least not with my husband! When he sees those “wheels of judgment” turning in my head (that’s our cute little name for it), I can see our communication shutting down.  Besides, I have found that the Holy Spirit is much more effective at changing hearts and minds than I am. It also turns out that sometimes I am the one whose heart and mind need to be changed, when I was sure that my husband was “wrong.”

As I said before, I’ve had it on my heart for years to encourage women in this area.  One reason for my hesitation all this time (ten years, give or take):  I often do not get it right myself.  That includes the Respect department.  But lately I have been reminded, and will likely have to keep remembering, that I don’t have to be perfect to share what God has been teaching me (sometimes over, and over, and over again).  I’m excited to finally open up about what He’s shown me so far, and to keep growing because the learning never stops!

Thank you for stopping by,

Susan


7 responses to “Worth More Than Money

  1. harmarwa says:

    I can see the “wheels of judgement” turning in Judge Judy’s head but for legitimate reasons! You are right though, they have no place in a marriage, and may rust (and moth) cause such wheels to corrode.

  2. Rebekah Postupak says:

    Reminds me that I have waaaaay too much confidence in my own right-ness, too. Thank you for the wonderful reminder that God doesn’t need me in order to do His job–and that I’ve still got a long way to go myself.

  3. wisdom4wives says:

    The phrase that comes into my mind a lot is, “Stay in your lane!” There’s so much work to be done in me, I really shouldn’t have much time to worry anyone else’s shortcomings. Gotta work on my own planks. 🙂

  4. Adam's Eve says:

    My husband handles the bills and the budget, but he always checks with me first before buying something new and vice verses. I am terrible with math so I leave all the balancing to him, but I have access to all of our accounts, I know what our budget is and I work within it, I’m in charge of coupon collecting, I know how much we are tithing from his paycheck and I handle tithing from my paycheck, and we regularly pray about our finances and praise God for how He provides for us. I think you’re absolutely right – that both husbands and wives should be involved in some way, shape, or form in the finances and discussing them regularly is important so that you’re both on the same page.

    Thanks for joining us at Becoming His Eve Marriage Moments Mondays! Please come back and link up again in the future!

    • wisdom4wives says:

      It sounds like you and your husband have a great system for communicating about money and honoring God with your finances. It is very encouraging to see that it is possible, and that it does not necessarily matter who writes the checks as long as you are in agreement. Thank you so much for stopping by and for the link-up opportunity!

  5. This is a great post. Women are often organisers but as you have warned we need to be careful that in our organisation we don’t exclude our husbands, take control and fail to work as a partnership. Thanks for linking up at Essential Fridays. Blessings.
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

    • wisdom4wives says:

      I love making spreadsheets! But my husband prefers to look at the “big picture.” So I’ve stopped trying to force my spreadsheets on him. I still use them, but just give him the summary. 🙂
      Thanks for the link-up opportunity, and for stopping by!

Speak the truth in love

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